Translated by EUGENE OSTASHEVSKY
One man fell
asleep a believer...
Bibikov climbed up a mountain,
fell into deep thought and rolled downwards. The Chechens raised him up and
again placed him on the summit. Bibikov thanked the
Chechens and again rolled downwards. That was the last they saw of him.
Next
Aufgenapfel climbed up the mountain, looked through
his binoculars and saw a horseman.
“Hey,”
shouted Aufgenapfel. “Where’s the restaurant around
here?”
The
horseman disappeared behind the mountain, then reappeared near the bushes, then
disappeared behind the bushes, then reappeared in the valley, then disappeared
behind the foot of the mountain, then reappeared on the slope and rode up to Aufgenapfel.
“Where’s
the restaurant around here?” asked Aufgenapfel.
The
horseman pointed to his mouth and ears.
“What
are you, deaf-mute?” asked Aufgenapfel.
The
horseman scratched his head and pointed to his stomach.
“What
are you saying?” asked Aufgenapfel.
The
horseman took a wooden apple out of his pocket and bit it in half.
Aufenapfel felt uneasy and stepped backwards.
And
the horseman took the boot off his foot and shouted, “Khal-ghallaj!”
Aufgenapfel
bounced off to the side and rolled down.
At
this time Bibikov, who had twice rolled to the foot
of the mountain even before Aufgenapfel, came to and
got up on all fours. Then he felt someone falling on him from up above. Bibikov crawled off
to the side, turned around and saw a man lying there in checkered pants. Bibikov sat on a rock and waited.
And
the man in checkered pants lay for about four fours without motion, then raised
his head and asked into the air:
“Whose
restaurant is this?”
“What
restaurant? This isn’t a restaurant,” answered Bibikov.
“And
who are you?” asked the man in checkered pants.
“I
am the mountain climber Bibikov. And who are you?”
“And
I am the mountain climber Aufgenapfel.”
This
is how Bibikov and Aufgenapfel
first made one other’s acquaintance.
One man fell asleep a
believer but woke up an atheist.
Luckily, this man kept medical
scales in his room, because he was in the habit of weighing himself every
morning and every evening. And so, going to sleep the night before, he had
weighed himself and had found out he weighed four poods
and 21 pounds. But the following morning, waking up an atheist, he weighed
himself again and found out that now he weighed only four poods
thirteen pounds. “Therefore,” he concluded, “my faith weighed approximately
eight pounds.”
1936-1937
Note: A “pood” equals 40 Russian pounds or 36.11 pounds US.
The pounds in the translation are Russian. EO.