BRIAN DEWAN

BRIAN DEWAN

_________________________________________________________________________

Please Allow Me to Introduce Myself

Brains

My Coat

The New Face of Business

_________________________________________________________________________

Brian Dewan is a preacher in a church which is currently being bombed. As he stands at the pulpit, bricks are flying through the air, stained glass is shattering, crucifixes are exploding, pews are flaming, and the roof is caving in. And yet, Pastor Dewan continues his sermon quite calmly as the congregation rushes to the various exit doors: The blood of the Lord Jesus Christ was shed so that we may live eternally in the Kingdom of God. There is no cause for panic – the Lord will protect us, praise be to Jesus…

Is he insane – or simply steadfast? And is there a difference between the two? Brian Dewan’s poems are often written from the point of view of a very untrustworthy narrator who nonetheless takes himself quite seriously, as in “Pointier,” which deals with the development of pencil sharpeners into “people sharpeners.” The narrator never cracks a smile nor suggests that anything might be the slightest bit off about his theory. Anyone who has seen Dewan’s filmstrips is familiar with this approach. His filmstrips are legitimate filmstrips done in a 1950s educational/institutional style. He makes beeping noises in between the frames. As the audience swoons with side-splitting laughter, being the naughty children that they are, Dewan’s face remains as calm and sturdy as Paul Revere’s, and his voice remains authoritative. He will tell you all about the White Man, an amorphous blob that frightens both the Pilgrims and the Indians. He will tell you about the mighty Church Organ, an alien force which threatens to destroy those surrounded by its thunderous tones. You better be paying attention to these filmstrips, because there is going to be a test… Brian Dewan’s poems are the literary equivalent of this – and of singing church hymns in a rock ‘n’ roll club while accompanying one’s self on the autoharp, something which Dewan does frequently in New York, where he lives. His reputation as a musician and an artist is known. Mr. Dewan is equally talented as a poet… and is currently sitting on a goldmine of poems.

--Jonah Winter

_________________________________________________________________________

PLEASE ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF

Hi, I'm a wrench.  I tighten nuts

I'm a spoon. I scoop up food

I'm a mop. I swab the deck

I'm a flashlight. I light the way

I'm a post hole digger. I dig holes for posts

I'm a bulb corer. I plant bulbs

I'm a whistle-blower. I stop crooks

I'm an auctioneer. I spellbind the bidders

I'm an electron microscope. I see the atom

I'm an owl. I judge the living

I'm a statue. I edify the passer-by

I'm an electrician. I hook things up

I'm a daredevil. I live for thrills

I'm a sea shell. I live in the sea

BRAINS

Why is that brain in a dish so proud of itself?

It's just a brain in a dish.

Is it bending over backwards to appear proud just because it doesn't have a

body?

It distinguishes itself from the brain by the side of the road.

The brain by the side of the road has to sit on dirt and be splashed every

time a car drives through a puddle. Why does the brain in a dish feel

superior? Because it is elevated a few inches off the ground, or countertop

as the case may be.

It has a lot going for it. If only it would grow up and take an interest in

doing something besides boasting about how good it's gotten with doing

crossword puzzles.

It's unhappy, that's all, that's why tests show that a brain in a dish uses

ninety percent of its energy to deceive itself for one reason or other, it

has to spoil everything, it would be a lot better off if it would just

simmer down.

MY COAT

I would lie on my coat

which is a blanket with sleeves on it

bunch it up and it's a pillow

but when you go around in it

it protects your skin

because when you're walking around

there are things around that'll gouge your skin

If you have any sense

You won't let yourself be gouged

At least not that easily

That's why you wear a coat

Not so much to stay warm

In the summer it's too hot

and you're more vulnerable to being gouged

but let's think of something more pleasant

like feather pillows

and moving pictures

and kind words

and hard candy

and musical instruments

and pretty pictures

THE NEW FACE OF BUSINESS

A business run by turboholic executarians is a thing of the past. These

monkeys, while not as industrious as the men and women they replaced,

accomplish more in five minutes than the turboholics could accomplish in a

twelve-hour day, thanks to state-of-the-art software. And they are often

celebrated in the news on television and radio, the announcer's tone

abruptly warming at their mention.

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, these monkeys earn more than twice what you make

in a year, and it's all tax-free income. They cannot vote and they are

beholden to their guardians, but they have bank accounts and a large

disposable income, which, though controlled by their guardians, affords them

a more than generous weekly allowance.

Everyone loves them, especially the ladies, and people regularly send them

gifts as well as contributions even though the company they work for is not

a charitable organization or a not-for-profit. These numerous benefactors

are electronically thanked and are invited to visit the monkeys at

www.monkeyshine.com. Photos of them having office parties, playing dress-up,

using computers and waving are posted monthly.

CRABAPPLE CLUBHOUSE

In the crabapple clubhouse

Dogs say swear words

They talk about piss

More than they piss

And scratch their balls

When they look at the sun

It makes them think of piss

When they look at the moon

They think it's a bum

And they howl at it

We were great, say the dogs

About the howling they did last night

Then they talk about doo doo

And say, "Look at that bitch"

And talk about piss

Occasionally they come down

To chase a rabbit

To snarl at children

To cuss at ladies

To piss on a tree

Back in the clubhouse

They talk about the asses they've sniffed

The dog do they've rolled in

In a circle, one by one

Each says a swear word

PUBLIC TEDDY BEAR

The public teddy bear

Has no last name

Only many first names

Some people call it Toni

Some people call it Randy

Some people call it Toby

And about fifty other names

It's getting dirty, it was always dirty

And it's bigger than a regular teddy bear

More than three feet and less than four feet

And slightly damp from being outdoors

If something is King-sized, it must be big

Institutional-sized is big too, but not exalted

Well this big dirty bear, everyone touches it

You'd be a wreck too if people were touching you all the time

Anyone can tell it's unsanitary

But most people object to it because it is ugly

A movable eyesore, you see it just about every day

In the way of something, or people hugging it and crying

A few years back there were fierce local politics

For a while it was illegal for there to be a public teddy bear

But crime went up, so they put out a new one

And within two hours it was already filthy

POINTIER

See this pencil sharpener?

Well they're making a people sharpener now. It's not very different, but

it's bigger and it will make people pointier than they already are, because

that's the way of the future. People have always wanted to look sharp but

soon they'll be sharper than ever, and everyone will have to pay big money

in order to compete.

It will be expensive at first, like everything else, and only the very

wealthy will be able to afford to go to a sharpening studio. But later the

rates will come down, and then they'll come out with the home models and

only people of modest means will still go to the studios. Of course, only

marginal people will go around unsharpened.

They're still working out some technical problems. If you sharpen your

finger in a conventional sharpener, you will be injured if you don't have a

particularly strong constitution. But the big sharpeners have to be made to

go easy on tissue, which requires unprecedented technologies. In appearance

though, they are similar. And they have a big crank sticking out of the

back, even though they are automatic - it makes people more comfortable to

see it turning around all by itself, it reminds them of the traditional

sharpeners that they're used to. That's what you have to do when you

introduce a revolutionary new technology, you have to give them something

familiar along with it so they won't get upset.

The new people sharpeners won't make the old pencil sharpeners obsolete

though. For one thing, the old ones are just the right size for pencils and

they're so much simpler and cheaper. But even if everyone stopped using

them, they would become valuable antiques. And anything worth money can

hardly be called obsolete.

THE LOVERS

If you go through the Tunnel of Love

I'll go through too, in a painted boat

Gliding slowly through the indoor canal

Full of colored lights and devils in tableaus

ripples in the water make dancing reflections

all over the walls and the ceiling

this, and the slender devils' tridents

helps the love go through the tunnel

So if you stroll in the park, I'll stroll too

Let's go strolling

So that it's only a matter of time

Before Cupid shoots an arrow through one of us

Who will embrace the other

So that two hearts may be shish-kabobed on one skewer

Won't that be something

And if you leap, I'll leap

Let's all leap, at Lover's Leap

Down at the end of Lover's Lane

Walk right past the people necking by the Lane

To where the sign points to the sky below the cliff

Everyone will know

We leapt for love